Star Wars and TAL on Crack!
by TormentingAllLemmings
Summary: Just a crack fic I made. Read summary. Don't bother flaming, this isn't my level of writing. Just thought someone would get a laugh out of the ugliness. Enjoy!


Summary: Crack

Warning: Crack

Disclaimer: I own plot.

Crack ahead! Something I wrote about a year ago when I was annoyed at the movies and kinda out of it on pain medication. Long story. Flame me to hell, but know I never write this crap and only posted it on here hoping people would get a laugh out of it.

"Master, are you sure?" Obi-Wan asked anxiously.

"Damn straight, young one," Qui-Gon nodded. "Look what they're planning to do to me at the end of the movie!" Reading over his Master's shoulder, Obi-Wan gasped in surprise.

"What do we do, Master?"

"Call me Qui-Gon."

"Yoda will not be pleased."

"That little elf can go blow me."

"What do we do about this?" Obi-Wan persisted, a bit shocked at his Master's language. It wasn't so surprising, though, since they had found a copy of the Episode I script laying around.

"Ah, screw the little bastard Anakin. We'll do fine without him."

"True that…what about His Excellency, the Supreme Chancellor Palpetine? He's getting kinda uppity."

"Agreed, young one. Let's ice him too." Qui-Gon paused, and then shrugged. "Then let's go after that little bitch, Amidala. Someone needs to whack her, too."

"Hell yeah," Obi-Wan agreed. "Let's get her at one of those all-too-frequent make-up stops. I mean, how many freaking times can a girl change in two hours?!"

"I think they practiced making clones of the little whore before they made that damn army," Qui-Gon replied, shouldering his lightsaber. "Let's go, young one. Time to teach some homies a lesson."

"That…would make sense!" Obi-Wan agreed, pulling a fancy jump-through-window move and landing on a passing landspeeder. He then jumped off the speeder and fell another 500 feet Anakin-style to land on another speeder. "I hope the spaceport is close by…"

"Young one, we're going to ice the boy first. This way."

"Oh right…" Obi-Wan paused. "Fuck. Uh, Master? How do I get back up there?"

"You're rather dim, aren't you?" Qui-Gon sighed. "Use Force Jump."

"Oh, right…didn't know I could use it all the way down here…" Obi-Wan then began to up through traffic. "Whee!"

HONK-HONK

"AAAAHHH!!"

"No comment, young one," Qui-Gon muttered, already in a speeder. "Let's blow this joint. I want to ice those homies before dinner."

"Yo, I dig," the Padawan nodded, hopping some more. "Uh…so, where're we going?"

"To whack the boy first, young one. He pisses me off the most."

"Right, I knew that... but where..."

"I thought you knew where they stuck him!!"

"Uh... I'm just the handsome one who makes a good angry face...I don't know where the fuck they stick potentially dangerous other people like me!"

"I'm going to toss you outta this speeder in a second, young one, and go find that Darth Maul fellow. Let's try the hotel."

"Okay... you're driving."

"Of course."

"AAHHH!! Let me in first!! AHHH!!"

"Shut up, I'm trying to concentrate!! Do you have ANY idea how hard it is to drive these damn things?!"

"AHHH!! Not really! I'm kinda hanging on by my little toe!!"

"Suck it up!"

"I can't! It'll make – •pop• – AAAAAHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."

"Oh, for the love of the Force. If you believe in yourself, you can fly!"

"Thank you Morpheus! I'm just gonna grab this here random bug insertion droid that's running from the queen's chambers…What the fuck?"

"You're skipping ahead to the wrong movie, you dimwit!"

"Sorry master, Sith lords and their remotes kicking in..."

"Well, get the hell back up! I said I wanted to ice the little bastard before dinner, didn't I?!"

"Noo!! I'm your father! BUAHAHAHAHA!"

"No you're not, you little dipshit!!" Qui-Gon promptly brandished his lightsaber. "Don't make me come down there!!"

"Yes I am! Lookout, Gold Leader!" fzzt "Roger that, red two." fzzgkhk"

"That's it!!" Qui-Gon then jumped from the speeder and slew Obi-Wan with one swipe of his lightsaber. "Now, to ice Anakin…"

"No! He was my father!"

"I just slew you! And you're not Luke Skywalker! Now you're six movies too far!!

"Uh…jub-jub?"

"Just get back in the damn speeder!"


End file.
